Every year, mostly during fall season, I’d prefer to keep to a rigid schedule- no plans outside of church, work, errands, and home. I tried to keep my social life to a minimum in order to avoid being asked to hang out.
Sounds like the life of an introvert right? No, not really, just keep reading.
Anything outside of that rigid schedule I would turn it down or arrive late, both due to fear. The issue wasn’t the present social life but the fear from a distant past that I had to overcome. I had to try to talk myself into calming down every time I’d try to brave through and join a group of friends to hang out.
I had to push myself to go because I didn’t want to allow fear and anxiety to stop me from living. Some days were successful and other days not so much.
Behaviors and ways of thinking can be altered after a devastating situation and as people we tend to find security and comfort in one way or another, healthy or unhealthy.
It only worsens when you choose to never talk about it because the pain is not ever dealt with. Suffering alone only fosters a new “normal” - where fear becomes a normal part of life.
Anxiety that is present may be related to something that happened in the past.
Maybe you have noticed what causes you to feel afraid, anxious, or worried every time it comes around.
When did that thought pattern first begin?
The Bible says in Isaiah 43:18-19
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
Every time October came around I had to remind myself that things were not the same. My life was different and it was good. My environment, the people, even I was different- nothing was the same as when I went through those crushing moments in the past.
And even though it was all new, mentally, I was stuck on the old data I processed in the past.
In order to renew my mind and be able to see that it was good, I had to forgive and I eventually found a way to be thankful for those difficult times because they ultimately led to something good.
I learned to appreciate more where I’m at today, rather than the memories I wasn’t aware that I was holding on tightly for so long.
Why should you hold on to it any longer, sis? It’s already stolen so much.
Don’t allow the fear of yesterday to rob you of your joy today.
Don’t allow those fears to cultivate negative thought patterns that only produce fear in other areas.
Choose to let it go today, sis.
You can do this by practicing forgiveness and thankfulness.
When you begin to give God thanks, you’ll quickly notice you can find something good in every situation and you’ll notice your heart also start to change. You’ll find yourself looking back someday only to realize you overcame that fear and living your best life now.
Draw your strength from God. You can’t do this alone. Invite Him into every hidden place of pain. The Bible says “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13) and “With God all things are possible.” (Mat. 19:26)
And so it is true. I wouldn’t of been able to do this on my own but by His grace, love, and mercy.
He’s helped me realize that the month of October is no longer a month to be feared but a month to be grateful for His redemption and faithfulness.
I don’t know what that thing is for you that has caused you to live a new “normal” but not the kind God had planned for you but I know God wants you to see that you don’t have to be afraid anymore. You don’t have to go back there every time and allow it to rob you of the full enjoyment of your life today. I want you to be healed and I want you to be free from the lies, free from the pain, free from the bondage that started feeling comfortable for you. I want you to be well and living your life to the fullest the way God desired it to be lived.
God is doing a new thing and it is good. Look up, sis, so you can see it today too! He’s all around you and He is able to work out even the bad things for good. If you haven’t seen it yet, you will. He keeps His promises. When You look to Him, you’ll know it. He’s with you through it all.
My prayer for you:
I pray that you will be able to heal from that pain and see the beauty within the ashes and share it with others. I pray that His goodness will renew your mind that even the effects of it will change your behavior to be more life-giving instead of afraid. That you’ll start a new beginning without the effects of the painful past but with the overcoming Truth that gives you peace.
Amen.
Questions/ Respond:
What lie or worst case scenario are you fearing the most (believing about yourself, your life, your future, or others)?
When did you start thinking that way about it?
Do you need to forgive someone (maybe even yourself)?
Can you find something to be thankful from or after that situation?